Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
