I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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