Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
