he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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