making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
