you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
