New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
