My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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