last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
