It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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