I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
