I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
