Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
