I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
