I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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