have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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