If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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