Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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