cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
