Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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