A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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