OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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