My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
