The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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