Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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