I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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