there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
