So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
