The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
