Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
