just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So squirting runs in the family.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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