so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
