I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
