Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
