SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
