I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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