Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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