"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
