I'm gonna have a badass scar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
