she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
