Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
