I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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