Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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