Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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