I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
