I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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