duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
