my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
