I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
