i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
